Homenagem a uma amiga que se encontra distante.

Jules, vc eh a luz da minha vida que se vai e retorna como a primavera, sempre no horizonte, sempre linda.

Na sua presenca os passaros parecem cantar mais alegres e as flores se abrem para absorver um pouco da sua beleza e eu, um mero mortal, pouco mais posso fazer se nao admira-la nos poucos momentos que possuo com voce
vossa beleza eh de tal pureza que pode-se percebela refletida na gotas de orvalho nas flores do jardim
fico feliz em saber que lhe causo um carinho bem vindo.
pois todo o carinho e calor que eu puder lhe oferecer jamais serao o bastante para retribuir uma unica tarde em que tive permissao de observar-lhe os belos olhos
E agora, em poucos minutos, voce se vai, e o calor que sinto em meu amago devido a sua companhia se esvaira
e tudo que restara em seu lugar sao as boas memorias que me acompanham durante os invernos dificeis, de como voce, minha primavera me fazia tao feliz.
“eu volto com jasmins!”  ela me diz
seriam jasmins? que perfumam seus cabelos? seriam jasmins, que vejo refletidas a brilharem em seus olhos?
Uma bela flor de doce perfume pode enfeitar vossa beleza, mas a mais bela flor se encolhe quando comparada a tal graca
e os beija flores do jardim voam a sua volta procurando a origem de tal amavel perfume.

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Aceito criticas, mas saibam que isso eh um chat de facebook, nao um poema calculado, e eu nao possuo acentos mesmo, nao foi um erro.

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The Depths of the Sea.

I was reading a manga online and this page completely took my attention. http://img.mangastream.to/manga/air-gear/194/007.png Sometimes I feel this way… like… who would notice? I know that plenty of people have experienced this feeling, but still, that makes me no less sad at the thought… It’s just like as if you were in the bottom of the sea, so far away that no light can reach you, so deep in it that just the water and the space between you and the next person is such to make it as if your existence were meaningless… That is a depressing subject… In the moment I’m okay, I can notice the people who care for me… but it happened before and I predict that I shall fall back into this black waters of nothingness, where all that you can feel is the coldness of the water that surrounds you, and it scares me to start thinking about the subjects that took me there at the first place, for in this moment of clear thoughts I am aware that I have never acquired the answer to prove to myself that I was wrong. And being aware that you escaped, instead of surpassing it, makes you aware that you can end up at the same spot you were once before and, this time, escaping might not be possible. Know this. I’m a happy “kid”. The child inside of me is happy and has tons of illusions about the world and the workings of the same. And I live my life according to that kids principles. But there’s also another part of me that understands that those illusions might easily be smashed  to pieces if I don’t work hard to prove them possible everyday… Well my dear mates, beware the big black ocean, during the day it might seem to be all blue and beautiful, but it just might show its dark side to you and, at that moment, you will find your self with water in your lungs, coldness all around you, wishing it was a sith or monsters dark side you were fighting. If you happen to find the answer to the question that took you there, share it. Otherwise, if you escape the same way I did, keep it to yourself… You just might end up depressing the ones around you… Luck to all. Good or bad it shall depend on the wheel’s will.

Lazy Song – Last Friday Night

I’m no sure… but I don’t believe there is a best suited song for right now…

I simply do not feel like doing anything…

And at the same time this just might be the problem, not feeling like leaving my bed or doing anything aint gonna make it any better…

I would so much ratter be having incredable friday nights and rocking  out with friends…

Flirting, skinny dipping, getting drunk with friends, saying stupid things out loud, tripping to the beach, playing videogames all night long, watching long night movie-marathons…

 

 

And still… Well… Here we are.

 

 

Or should I say… Here I lay.

 

To the Lighthouse

Never did anybody look so sad. Bitter and black, halfway down, in the darkness, in the shaft which ran from the sunlight to the depths, perhaps a tear formed; a tear fell; the waves swayed this way and that, received it, and were at rest. Never did anybody look so sad.

Virginia Woolf

What if I lack the light to go on by myself?

Empty Drive Bar

I know it will sound weird and hard to grasp to a few of you, but it makes this no less true or any easier…

I have a feeling of emptiness right now.

I have been lacking other feelings… It’s been real hard to get of from my bed, the reasons to move just seems less real, less important… they can pass me by and it’ll not matter…

I got up to work… move slowly but get there, do what need be done…

I’m feeling pretty much under everything right now… It’s like… well it does not matter…

Today should be a great day, “Talk like a Pirate” day… But I’m just not in the mood… I’m not really in any mood… a shitty one might be accessible…

I don’t really know what to do. I suppose some people would just fall to the ground in tears or cry himself to sleep… Instead I had a bit of insomnia, something that resembles a nightmare and missed classes…

I feel as if I were in a void… somewhat detached from my body…

Now, I must say something. If ever I doubted chocolate’s ability to keep us up, and make things less horrible, those doubts are gone. It is holding me right now, bar over bar…

x

I have searched for meaning in life… and I just have none. I lack reason. I feel useless, as if my presence would be easily left aside by existence itself without much bureaucracy, and it’s a mistake easily forgiven.

I know there are people who care for me… But what can you do when you feel just as if you could be replaced with no harm done and without difficulty?

My abilities are not numerous, my capabilities simple and the features that identify myself are common as they get.

Sure… I’m nice enough… So?

I lack something… I have no idea what it is… but I’ve dropped it… and need to find out what it is and how to get it back…

Real Soon.

Filling an empty cup

Nothingness.

 

A big dark hole full to the brink with nothing.

 

An empty space.

 

Lacking the drive to do something.

 

Completely down…

Quack!

Do you feel like you’re fucked? Well, you’re not alone. I sometimes fell Alone in the Dark, and no, I ain’t playing the PC game…

Life is a bitch.

A ravenous, angry bitch.

Now go grow some balls, choose the path and walk the way.

Felling a bit nuts? Scream Quack and walk a way. Nobody’s gotta know.

Winterfell

The saddest acknowledgement you can arrive at…

To know not where the smile, you didn’t know where it came from, went to.

And trying not to let the sourness your felling to get to your eyes, to get to your actions…
“Winter’s coming”, they say.

It’s already arrived.

A Nordic Fuck-up…

Hahahah

So. I took a girl – yup, July – in a date. I tought it would be the ultimate one! A Viking party! But I totaly fucked up the date… The early times of that day was nice, we watched a movie with friends and laughted a lot, the clothes were nice too…

But when I got there I neglected her… First I started introducing me and herself to people and went ahead talking to different people… And only afterwards came to me that she wasnt following me…

First fuck-up.

Then I found some people who had taken a board game  – and I have a problem with those, I like them a lot! – And it was about Game of Thrones, a book I presented to her and she loved!

I was sure she would like it… Soo I proposed we all played it… But she decided not too… just to watch us playing…

Second fuck-up.
The game took about 3 hours and she did nothing but to watch and lay her head at my shoulder… draw a bit, drink some coke and look at people round us.

I was so stupid. Like, I won the game, but she was probably pissed to shit afterwards… She knew no one there other than me and my friend, and we were both playing… I should have enjoyed the party while she was there, she was going to stay till 3 am… but after the game we walked around for less than half an hour and entered some conversations… I asked if she wanted to sit and when she said yes I took her to a couch…

We layed there for 20 or 30 more minutes… I’m not sure… But she layed against me and rested some…

Gotta say, I thought that was a good thing, I was being smart, but that might have been the last fuck up that night… Maybe if I had taken her to the middle of people to talk she would have come around and started having fun, but that way when I asked her if she wanted to go home she waved her head positively and I helped her call her dad to pick her and went to wait for her dad.

After she left I talked to people, had drinks and all and had fun. I should have been doing that while she was there… I’m just a big oaf…

Tomorrow I’m on my quick vacation, hope it does go well, 16 days of not working. haha

Hope she let’s me make it up for her. And I’ll just enjoy this free time I’ll be having.